Stories behind the rules
by new moongirl
Summary: Things team 19 are no longer allowed to do. These are my stories behind them. All Ibiki could recall was that it all started with a Failed D-rank, and then things just snowballed from there.
1. Demon Cat

**H.E. Gray allowed me to make little ficlets about her rules for team nineteen :D I think it will be fun! So here's the first rule!**

**1. Team Nineteen is banned from any missions involving cats. Ever. Just because you're curious whether a cat really will always land on its feet, Iruka, doesn't mean you can drop it off the Hokage monument. Kotetsu, Izumo, stop encouraging him. And Ibiki, your name is now down as one of the **_**four**_** jounin-instructors who've managed to fail a D-rank. **_**Ever**_**. In the **_**entire history of Konoha**_

**I don't own. Although how I pictured it happening is all my idea.**

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Iruka glared back at the creature that was sitting on top of his chest. Its long white hair was bugging him by getting in his nose and on his chin. It was scratchy! He looked longingly at Izumo and Kotetsu, who were approaching him with caution. They didn't want that _thing_ to attack _them_.

Iruka sighed, the cat had been sitting on him for the better part of thirty minutes, glaring at him and daring Iruka to make a move to dislodge him from his perch. Some mission this turned out to be. Ibiki had really out done himself this time. A D-rank mission, stating that they were to make the ladies cat as comfortable as possible while she was away for the day at relatives.

Iruka figured that whoever had given the office this mission was pretty spoiled… just like her cat. Now, he was stuck with lying on the grass with a cat on top of him, attempting not to be scratched, should he move even the slightest bit.

Now, boredom and genin didn't go well together, when genin and boredom have a party, something bad always happens, because when genin are bored, they start thinking and genin at the age of twelve, especially _male_ genin at the age of twelve, start thinking, their thoughts turn into something similar to an action movie, including the blowing up of stuff.

Iruka contemplated for a while, an idea slowly approaching his dull mind. "Say, Izumo, Kotetsu, wanna find out if cats really do land on their feet?"

Izumo and Kotetsu glanced at him then at each other, their faces slowly splitting into identical sinister smiles. "Yeah," they drawled slowly before pouncing on Iruka, and the unsuspecting cat. This would be redemption for scratching them into an almost unrecognizable state.

Getting to the top of the monument was easier than they expected, although all of them had managed to gain a few new scratches from the furry demon, but other wise they were unscathed.

An evil glint in his eyes, Iruka looked over the edge of the monument. He motioned for the others to come toward him, the cat struggled even more frantically then before, finally understanding what these hellions where about to do. Iruka snatched the fur ball from his friends' arms quickly before throwing the poor animal out away from the face of the cliff and into open air.

All three of them watched transfixed as the cat began to fall faster and faster. "Wow…" they all murmured together before jumping down to follow at a slower pace.

Iruka wondered sadistically if the cat would be alive, he kinda hoped so, he didn't want Ibiki to kill him just yet, he wanted to life for a while more.

Kakashi hadn't been doing anything, just walking along minding his own business in a deserted part of Konoha. The last thing he expected was for a cat to fall on his head and pound him into the ground. It was truly a surprise.

The cat clung to his head in a death grip, the sharp claws digging into his temples and neck.

He blinked lazily when three genin landed in front of him, and blinked back at him in curiosity. He was used to that part. What he wasn't used to, was having a cat on his head when doing so.

"So did it land on its feet?" the long haired brunette asked him.

He hadn't been expecting that either. Was that what they were curious about?

"Well did it?" The other one with the bandages on his nose asked.

"Ma." He mumbled into his mask, "Just take it back, it's yours right?"

They all looked at each other, "It's a client's, can we have him back now?". The scared brunette asked again. Kakashi shrugged before handing the cat over; luckily he wasn't a cat lover, because the cat seemed to be begging him to take him away from the genin in front of him.

Both parties jumped as a very displeased Sandaime stepped out from behind one of the many buildings. "Iruka, what did you do, and why is one of my shinobi sporting what looks like cat scratches on his head?"

Iruka gulped nervously, "Well, I threw the cat off the Hokage monument. I wanted to know if it would land on its feet. Izuma and Kotetsu agreed."

Sandaime sighed before lighting up his pipe, waving a befuddled Kakashi away and escorting the three rather pleased genin to Ibiki and then to the mission room.

Ibiki never did completely forgive them for putting him down in the Konoha history books as one of the four jounin instructors to fail a D-rank. He never left them alone after that though, and thus the first rule was formed by the mission room staff. And Iruka and his two team mates did learn that cats do land on their feet, even if it's futile and they won't live through it.

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**Heh, that was fun! XD**


	2. Painball Incidents

**I put rule numbers 2 and 3 together. :D**

**I don't own**

**2. No, Kotetsu, it is not funny to attack the ANBU headquarters with paint balls.**

**3. Nor is it funny to attack the **_**Intelligence**_** headquarters with paint balls. Ibiki, your genin should not know where either of these headquarters are, so stop telling them classified information. Please.**

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Kotetsu glared at a weed he was pulling. Ever since they had dropped the cat off the Hokage monument, Ibiki had been driving them insane with dull work like this, where there were only limited options in annoying others.

He glanced at his two companions, making eye contact with Iruka's dull gaze. Izumo was too focused on the rose bush to notice Kotetsu burning holes into his head.

Iruka caught the others meaning, thinking over the pleading look his friend had sent him. He was thirsting for some fun too…hmm.

Feeling around his pockets, Iruka came up with nothing. Absentmindedly planting the geraniums the brunette gazed off into space. Then an idea hit him like one of Ibiki's jutsu's. He turned and grinned maliciously at Kotstsu, who caught his look and smiled back.

Iruka slide in the window, passing the carefully laid trap he had somehow managed to disable. Beckoning to his other teammates, Iruka scanned the area for any more traps using the small pocket knife to cut a few chakra strings that would have had him hanging upside down for the night. IBiki had taught them well, disabling traps had to be Iruka's best attribute right now, after setting so many of his own.

Stalking down the darkened hallway, the three genin slid in to the room, making their way toward the sleeping jounin.

For being an interrogator, Ibiki sure was trustful of them, he should have been more paranoid, but they had managed to get that sleeping dust into his cup of tea and the truth serum into his ramen. Iruka considered talking to his superior about his trust issues with Konoha food, then decided he would…once what they were to do had all but washed away.

Nodding to the other two, Iruka, Kotstsu and Izumo snapped their fingers in union, activating the truth serum; they would have some fun to night. They justified it as getting back at the village for giving them awful missions.

Kakashi sighed as he made his way back to ANBU head quarters, his mission hadn't been all that bad, just an assassination of some feudal lord. It had gone without a hitch, but he was only 14, and he was tired. He leaped off another roof and looked down, his eyes capturing the strangest sight he had ever beheld. Were genin even supposed to know where the ANBU headquarters was?

He shrugged; all he wanted was to get some sleep. He left them to their mischief, making a note to tell the Hokage who had covered the building with paint balls.

The next morning, after meeting up with his team, Ibiki was sure something was up. The way they smiled had him on edge. Thankfully, he quickly learned what it was they had done. The mission office and the Hokage told him separately.

The next day was no different…only this time they had painted the Intelligence headquarters with pink and purple paint. He wondered, just like his superiors, how they had gotten that information. It wasn't till two weeks after, that he found out.

"You really shouldn't be so secure with your food in Konoha, what if someone poisoned it?" Iruka really was a devil in disguise. At least now he could tell his superiors how it had slipped from him. Ibiki always had hated mysteries.

**00000000**

**second is done:D**


	3. Buried Robe

4. Which ever one of you stole the Hokage's robe, congratulations on your stealth skills. Now _give it back – _the Hokage's supposed to be meeting the Mizukage tomorrow.

Iruka glared at his Hokage. He didn't care about the weather, or the fact that "Sandaime's old bones told of rain" _especially_ the observation that he looked like a girl with his hair down.

The last one was just insulting, not at all funny as the fourth seemed to think. "Yondaime, you are not funny." He growled out, glaring from under his bangs.

Yondaime chuckled before bursting out in laughter again eyes sparkling. "That's it," Iruka's eye twitched violently before lunging at the blond haired man and smashing his face into the wall. "Stop laughing!" he demanded, rubbing his nose distractedly. Yondaime only smiled at him, evilly this time.

Iruka stared back. This man had nothing on Ibiki if that was the best he could do. He could handle much worse from his jounin sensei. Lunging again at the blond, Iruka found himself with his back on the floor, finding the ceiling much more interesting then he ever thought possible. Huh. When had that happened?

Sitting up disoriented, Iruka threw his best glare at his elder, whish he was positive made the older man flinch slightly. Even at such a young age, Iruka had the glare that sent pre-genin and some chunnin running. It made the jounin nervous, and Ibiki proud. He was after all, Iruka's role model, so it obviously didn't work on him. Iruka felt a swell of admiration for his Hokage, only the best could stand up to the evil glare of a thousand demons plus ONE!

Jumping to his feet, rather gracefully, Iruka took his turn to smile evilly and see a small amount of fear fill the aqua eyes. Though he really didn't have any reason, it wasn't like Iruka was going to _hurt_ him. Even though, Iruka's reputation was _legendary_ in the village.

UNUNUNUNUNUNNUN

Ibiki had taught his students well, all of them knew that the first step to _anything_ was gathering information…which, as they had proved time and time again, they were fairly good at. And this, was exactly how all three members of team 19 found themselves spending the day near, around and in the Hokage's building…practicing stealth skills. Yes, it was stealth practice, not _spying_ or anything, truly.

Iruka sat contentedly outside the Hokages window, masking his chakra rather skillfully and listening to the argument going on inside. Which was full of "NO!"'s and "I don't want to!"'s Thus, Iruka got his amo.

The rest of their...stealth training was devoted to following and securing the object…which went with surprising ease. Iruka planned to tell the Hokage that their shinobi really should be more observant even within their village, as it had been ridiculously easy for three genin to steal the Hokage's belonging. Oh, and that the traps in the man's apartment could be disabled by _pre-genin_ not to mention any assassin or missing nin that was sent to finish him off.

Iruka stood near the river, the Hokage's robe in hand. They were bound to notice it was missing any moment now. Turning to his companions, Iruka gestured at a spot on the ground, "Here." They nodded. "There" it was.

The sun set off the water quite nicely, making little patterns that none of them could discern. They hardly noticed when Ibiki sidled up to them, glaring for all he was worth.

They glanced at him with trepidation, gearing up for the worst their sensei could give them. Collectively, all three flinched as the large man thrust his fist out in front of them, the paper that normally hung in the mission room unrolling in front their faces. "…"

Ibiki really didn't need to say anything, as Kotetsu and Izumo bit their lower lips, giving everything away.

"It might need to be washed." Iruka placidly offered as an explanation. Which was how he found himself flying thru the air and crashing into a certain silver haired chunnin, who was sleeping in a tree a little ways down the river.

"Do I know you?"

Kakashi rolled his eyes. Why him??

A/N: in case you didn't get it, they buried it. --…what? That's what I would do. And bury it deep, hide all the evidence. XD


	4. Ibiki's Fault

5. Morino Ibiki is not allowed to take another genin team, ever.

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The mission room inspector viewed the room with a critical eye, sweeping the area for enemies, aka, team Nineteen. He swore that they'd all gotten three times as many complaints, d-rank missions, complaining genin, paper work, not to mention clean up duty as usual since the terrible three had gotten Morino as their jounin sensei.

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He looked down as his roster, and was surprised that Ibiki would be taking his shift...leaving some poor soul to deal with his hellions. The man felt a chokehold of dread wash over him. The team was bad enough with him, what were they capable of without Ibiki there to deal with them? Dying may have been easier then watching the genin that Ibiki normally dealt with. The inspector handed out the A-rank in his hands to the poor jounin in front of him. He heard the other whimper pitifully, gaining strange glances from his colleagues and the other jounin in the mission room.

"Team nineteen," the jouinin muttered as an explanation, "Ibiki's taking a short vacation."

Silence issued, as everyone in the room gave him sorrowful looks. "It was nice knowing you," murmured one of the desk chunnin. "You were a good shinobi." The inspector nodded, and wished the jounin luck, he would sure need it.

Yemon carefully approached the number three training ground, treading softly so that he had less chance of losing his life before he got to actually see them. It was all for naught as his foot caught on a something and he was soon hanging upside down by his ankle with kunai proof wire. How convenient. And how did the brats even _get_ Kunai proof wire? Wasn't that just for Special Forces?

Curling up cautiously, the blond jounin grabbed the branch and flipped up on top of it, quickly attempting to untie the intricate knot. How did genin know these knots? They were for specialist to use! Yemon frowned in concentration, forcing his ankle into an almost impossible position that hurt like the dickens. Why did he have to be the lucky guy to get this mission?

He hissed, finally getting his ankle free from its confinement. He rubbed it, circulating the blood again and scanning the area around him for any other signs of traps.

He dodged the kunai and the shuriken as they came flying at him, digging deep into the wood where he had just recently been. "Darn, I almost got him!" he heard someone whisper, "He's not even as good as Ibiki, why couldn't I get 'im? He can't be as good as Sensei, sensei's the best! He's the one that set up this drill!"

Yemon cursed at the Interrogator for being the source of his pain and aggravation. "Come out this instant", he hissed, eyes narrowing to dangerous slits. "Like a snake," one of them whispered. They knew he could hear him, they had to, the little munchkin only wanted to aggravate him. And he was succeeding. "Maybe he's Uke and some guy messed him up?"

Yemon froze. His brain unable to process what had just been said by an eleven year old. Were they supposed to know about that yet? NO, the answer was defiantly no. So where had they heard a comment so vulgar?

"Ibiki said it hurts, and he should know, Ibiki knows everything. That why he taught us the knots and the traps. He's the best, and he would be seme."

Oh…Ibiki…Yemon would write down that small detail later in his report. Along with several other nasty, aggravating and mind-boggling comments the poor innocent children had come up with. What where they learning from their teacher???

Yemon returned limping, scared, bleeding and exhausted to the mission room, turning in his report on time and full of weird information. _What_ had Ibiki done to that farm animal?

His brain was fried to a crisp. All he wanted was to curl up and cry tears of agony then fall asleep for 24 hours. This had to be the worst mission he had ever taken.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The mission inspector picked up the report left on his desk. Yemon had dropped it off an hour ago before walking home. He had been reading something else, but now he was ready. He prepared himself for he worst.

Lifting the cover page, the inspector stared reading, about half way through he passed out, face pale and eyes dilated to pin points. Dear Lord, my mind.

Kakashi was the one who found the poor chuunin there the next morning, still mentally dead. He shook him, seeing if the older man would wake up before picking up the paper the man had been reading. A jutsu maybe? Enemy infiltration? He checked every possible scenario for having a passed out ninja, but found nothing. Hmmm… Kakashi began reading.

**00000000000**

heh, you will never know all of what they said. . it's a secret. No, not really, but I wanted to keep things PG-13 as long as possible. I don't own Naruto.

-newmoongirl


	5. Tea with a Bang

6. All establishments in Konoha are hereby banned from selling alcohol to any of the members of Team Nineteen, _including_ Morino Ibiki.

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Iruka had always been curious. His curiosity usually turned out to be a bad thing too. Such as the time he had spied on one of their clients in order to discover how babies were made, or the time he followed Ibiki to ANBU Headquarters and ended up almost being burned to a crisp by one of the paranoid ANBU on duty.

Kotetsu, Izumo, and Ibiki learned quickly, but this fact did not stop the two younger boys from following Iruka's plans. Because they did know that even though it usually ended badly, it was enormously fun beforehand.

Like pranking the Fourth, or using the invisibility-jutsu to tease unsuspecting Akamichi with "floating" food. Yes, they had all had enormous fun; at least until they had been caught and punished.

They, however, hadn't done anything mischievous for three days. THREE FULL DAYS. And Ibiki, along with the rest of Konoha, was getting suspicious of this calm before the storm. And they were right, Iruka reflected, grinning evilly behind the liquor store. Every kid had to at least try this, seriously, what 13-year-old didn't wonder what alcohol tasted like? Iruka glanced at his partners in crime."Ready?" They nodded eagerly, as he began the transformation justsu.

Xxxx

Kotetsu blinked at the bottle in the middle of their triangle. It was simple dark glass surrounded by a thin paper strip. Now that they had it, Kotetsu wasn't all that sure what to do with it. Sure, he knew they were going to drink some of it, but he had an uneasy feeling gathering in his gut

He glanced cautiously at Iruka, their brilliant leader, and noticed the slight frown on his face. Izumo was wearing the same expression. About to voice his opinion, Iruka interrupted him, "How are we supposed to open it?" Kotetsu closed his mouth. Yeah, how were they? All thoughts had been chased out, now that he had a tantalizing problem to solve.

Xxxx

The minute Ibiki heard something breaking, he knew it had to be because of his team. He had a sixth sense, only it always alerted him a little too late to actually _stop_ the chaos before it happened. Running full blast, and hoping the damage wasn't as bad as it sounded, Ibiki skidded to a stop, black coat billowing impressively. "IRUKA WHAT DID YOU DO…this time?" the torture specialist blinked at the oddness of the scene as Iruka gazed up at him blearily.

"Wad ju say 'biki?" he asked happily.

"How the hell did you manage to get alcohol?" Ibiki practically shrieked, making Iruka rub his ears in annoyance.

"Bought it, 'ow else would we 'ave gottn it?"

"You can't buy alcohol," he hissed, now glaring at the brunette. Where were Izumo and Kotetsu?

"Yeah, I know, thas why _you_ did" Iruka slurred his words, still lightheaded and oblivious.

"I DID?" Ibiki seriously considered murdering his little gophers, but only for a moment: he wasn't going to go missing-nin just for killing little children. Instead, he settled for strangling Iruka and throwing him into the river. The Hokage was going to kick his ass to kingdom-come; he was supposed to have a firm hand on his team.

And why had Iruka thought it was a gloriously wonderful idea to create explosive tags on top of the tea house? Ibiki allowed himself one whimper. His team would be working this off for a long time; it cost a lot of money to build a whole new tea house.

Kakashi pushed some wood off of his legs, damn it, why did he always seem to get involved with this crazy team? Everywhere he went, they were there creating havoc. He had only wanted some tea, some freaking tea! Was that too much to ask? Kakashi grumbled in discontentment all the way home, hoping tomorrow would not involve any kind of explosion.

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**Poor kashi, always getting involved. XD**


	6. The Brothel

7. Kotetsu, please stop cross-dressing where the other villages can see you.

8. The same goes for the other members of Team Nineteen.

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Kotetsu had always been a little weird. Truth be told, he was probably the weirdest of Team Nineteen. Iruka may have been the wildest and most creative, while Izumo was the smartest and most sarcastic, but Kotetsu was definitely the weirdest of the three.

They didn't know if it was his upbringing, or the media, or _what_, but, Kotetsu's habits were just as weird as the girl down the street that wore the pointy bras.

When he hadn't shown up for training within the hour, everyone spread out to search. Iruka was the one who found him. Dressed in drag and flirting with the chunin shinobi by the gate. Of course neither one of them seemed to be flirting back, but they were blushing and making shooing motions, which of course Ko wasn't paying any attention to.

Iruka called in on the head set that Ibiki had provided. "This is the Dolphin, calling the Snoring Bear, I've located the Hedgehog Child. Over." Iruka waited for a response.

"What? Who the hell are Snoring Bear and Hedgehog Child?" Ibiki shouted at him over the microphone.

Iruka sighed, wasn't it obvious? "Sensei, You're Snoring Bear, Kotetsu is obviously Hedgehog Child and Izumo is Cute Bunny. Duh."

Ibiki growled at him over the air waves. If ANBU was listening in, they'd be blowing their tops.

"Wait, why am I Cute Bunny?" Izumo interjected.

Iruka sighed, "Cause that's what you are, get over it Cute Bunny."

"Whatever," Ibiki interrupted, "You little slaves just go get him and bring him back to base."

Iruka made a weird sound in the back of his throat, halfway between a growl and a shout. "We're not your slaves, Snoring Bear. Besides, he's in drag, so do you really want to see him?"

Ibiki could be heard choking through the headset. "He's what? That's it; I'm going to add another rule to the list."

Iruka got sidetracked, "Hey, Snoring Bear, the delegates from Suna and Lightening are here! And Kotsetsu's winking at one of them."

"WHAT?" Snoring Bear was now yelling, making Iruka's ears ring. "Get him here right now!"

Iruka straightened, "Yes Snoring-Bear, I'm on it!"

Ibiki cursed "Stop calling me that!"

Iruka ignored him, instead, throwing Kotetsu over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry if he has bothered you, sirs," Iruka addressed the diplomats, "He just escaped the brothel this morning; we've been searching for him all morning. We never thought he'd come here." And with those parting words, Iruka leapt away, Kotetsu throwing kisses from over his shoulder.

Maybe he and Izumo should do that some time; it looked like fun, freaking people out, he meant, but not throwing the kisses.

"Mission accomplished," Iruka announced over the headset.

Xxxxxx

Ibiki sighed with relief. This was the day the diplomats were leaving, and that meant they wouldn't keep talking with him about how Konoha had a brothel somewhere, and how scandalous it was, not to mention how sad it was that youth today was so corrupt. How had Iruka even known what a brothel _was_?

No, wait, he knew. _Why_, no, _how_ did they keep getting weird mission stories out of him? Stopping short, Ibiki observed the empty clearing. He had gotten here without one shuriken coming out at him, no traps…where was his team?

Ibiki cleared the thought from his head, "No, they would never do something like that," he said out loud. Thinking a little more, he sighed, and started to run towards the gates, "Yes, yes they would." Damn you, Kotetsu, you are so going to die for even putting that idea in Iruka's head. He just hoped that this wouldn't affect the relationships between Konoha, Lightening, and Suna.

Kakashi had been assigned escort duty. It was only to the gates, but he had been ordered to make a good impression on the delegates.

Catching sight of the gates, Kakashi smiled mentally. These men made him nervous; they where so uptight and snobby. Catching sight of two now familiar figures, Kakashi's brain almost shut down. Men, or boys, were not supposed to dress in mini-skirts and tube-tops. He saw them both start to wave, but thankfully, their sensei came up behind them and dragged them off.

Thank goodness, if Ibiki hadn't, he and the group he was escorting would probably all die of a heart attack. How come _he_ was always privileged enough to see these exploits?

**00000000000000**

**The ending of another strange chapter, TTTT heh, well, I suppose it could have been worse. D **

**Ibiki hardly sees how!******** comment from my beta. I completely agree. XD)**


	7. Zombies are Real

9. Screaming "ARGH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!" will not endear you to the ANBU population, Iruka. Especially not if you actually sound convincing.

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Iruka was a wonderful student. He was brilliant, crazy enough to make it through most life-endangering situations, and most importantly: a fast learner.

Not many people knew this fact, not even Ibiki, so when he taught them how to act-out in certain situations believably, he never imagined in his wildest dreams--they _did_ get pretty crazy at times-- that any kid could actually use this talent to cause chaos.

It had been a simple capture mission, get the dog and bring him back. They couldn't search for cats because it was now prohibited, and thus they had been reduced to chasing after canines; how very tragic. Ibiki hadn't expected Iruka would put his acting skills to us.

Iruka caught the dog, wrestling with it shortly before finally gaining dominance by biting its ear. Panting in triumph, the brunette snapped the collar around Ripper's neck and handed the large dog over to Izumo. "Mission accomplished." Iruka did a rather good impression of Gai.

Izumo just rolled his eyes; Iruka was insane, less then Kotetsu, but up there. He wouldn't be surprised if the pair were automatically promoted to jounin because their minds were so messed up. Sighing aloud, Izumo tugged at the chain, and Ripper followed along meekly. "Let's just go already; I'm tired, sweaty, and _hungry_.

Iruka snorted, "You're _always_ hungry Izumo. It's like your special quirk, you never get fat! At all! It's weirder then Ko's next door neighbor wearing the cone-bras."

Izumo huffed indignantly, "Iruka, it's not weird, I'm just growing, and it's not something that I can control. Besides, if I know you, we'll probably stumble upon a haunted graveyard. You're the best, or _worst_ danger-magnet I ever hope to meet. You'll probably die before you're twenty-four."

Iruka hit him. "You just say that 'cause you're jealous." He stuck out his tongue. "Where are we by they way? I was just following you."

Izumo glanced around, "What are you talking about? I was following you! How am I supposed to know where we are? Am I your personal keeper?"

"And we haven't heard from Kotetsu for a while either." Iruka continued, ignoring his companion, "Maybe he fell asleep somewhere."

Izumo groaned. That would be just like Ko too. He almost wished that Kotetsu would be more responsible, but shuddered at the thought. Ko being normal would bother him more than his current attitude. It just wasn't natural.

Looking around, Izumo cursed. They were totally and completely lost. Lost like a pair of puppies in the middle of the ocean without a flotation device. "Let's just pick a direction and walk. With you chasing that stupid dog in circles for the past three hours, my internal compass is entirely useless." He handed the god's leash over to his companion in disgust.

Ripper growled; he wasn't stupid, he was just…single-minded. That squirrel _had_ looked rather tasty. Besides, that human's compass wasn't the only thing that was useless. The one with the pony-tail was to be respected, but this scrawny one…maybe he could take a bite?

Stumbling, Iruka found himself…in a graveyard. Well, whadoyaknow, Izumo was right; they had run into a graveyard, and a creepy one at that. It was like one of those places where Anko's sensei would sleep at night.

Brushing off all the dust, Iruka tugged at the leash around his wrist, interrupting Ripper's attempt at a snack.

Izumo whimpered; did all other animals see him as a bunny too? Only apparently, it was Tasty Bunny in this time instead of Cute Bunny.

Following at a safe distance, Izumo observed the scenery. Why, if there were so many healthy trees around the lot, were there decrepit trees _in_ the graveyard? Was the soil poisoned or something?

Spying something out of the corner of his eye, Izumo froze. Was that a _hand _sticking out of the ground like a flower in bloom? Blinking, Izumo confirmed his assumption, only now it was the whole _arm_.

Groaning at the irony of it, Izumo caught up to Iruka and tugged at his sleeve. "Iruka…there are _zombies_ here." He tugged again, looking over his shoulder at the steadily emerging creature. "Iruka? _Ruka_?"

The brunette caught Izumo's hand and pointed in front of them. Apparently, one was already out of the ground and ambling toward them. Izumo felt a keening whine escape his throat. Why had he opened his mouth in the first place?

"Protect the Pooch!" Iruka yelled, grabbing the huge dog and throwing him across Izumo's back. "We gotta get out of here and quick! We can't fail _another_ D-rank!" Izumo nodded, though he wasn't quite sure why _he_ had to carry the dog and not Iruka.

Taking off at a frenzied pace that would have impressed Ibiki, the two boys miraculously reached the gates in a matter of minutes, where Kotetsu was waiting for them, Kakashi by his side. The poor cross-dresser had almost stumbled upon the ANBU training grounds.

Upon reaching the silver-haired teen, Iruka grabbed his vest. "HELP! THEY'RE AFTER US, THEY WANT TO EAT OUR BRAINS!!"

Kakashi looked down into crazed eyes, taken aback that the genin dared to _touch_ him.

Iruka let go and took off, attracting the nearby ANBU population as he ran through the village screaming, "ARGH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!"

Orochimaru cursed, The damn brats had stumbled upon all his failed experiments! Now he'd have to move locations again. Maybe he should just do everything in his basement.

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**Hardest…chapter… ever. TTTT I'm dyeing. OMG**


	8. Graffiti

10. The Hyuuga Clan does not collectively have a stick that needs to be removed from certain places. Nor do they appreciate graffiti plastered over their homes informing them of such.

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Kotetsu shuffled past the mission room door, peering inside before scruffing his sandal in the dirt and moving to the side. Waiting for Iruka to come out of the Hokage's office always took forever. He bet the Fourth was still lecturing about the dangers of fooling ANBU operatives.

Sighing, Kotetsu sat next to Izumo, who was fidgeting next to Ibiki. Man, were they in for a rough two weeks; Snoring Bear had taken this offence personally. This meant that they were going to be running laps for hours on end. Kotetsu _hated_ running laps; they were so boring!

Kotetsu stood up and was attempting to shuffle past the door again, when he was promptly hit in the forehea as Hyugga Hiashi stepped out of the Hokage's office. That door had been thrown outward with a lot of force!

Glaring at the pompous shinobi in front of him, Kotstsu noticed that Hyuggas really _did_ have their noses stuck in the air like something smelled really bad, and he was positive that he didn't smell _that_ pungent. Izumo and Iruka were the ones that had run after the dog, not him.

Cursing with a word that he had, erm, _learned_ from Ibiki, Kotetsu got up and brushed the dust from his pants and moved his hitai-ate to cover the growing bump.

Hiaishi stopped at his cursing and turned to Ibiki: "Your student uses most vulgar words, something I would expect from commoners."

Kotetsu contained his snarl. So what if he was a commoner? That didn't automatically make the other man a better person then him. Turning to face the Jounin head on, Kotetsu noticed the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

He instantly straightened up and approached her cautiously. "Dear fine lady,I apologize for my offensive language. I'm afraid I over looked your celestial beauty. May I have your name?"

Izumo blushed for his friend; no one talked like that anymore except in movies. He was pretty sure it was Hiashi's fiancée who Ko was attempting to woo.

"Oh," the dark-haired woman fidgeted, glancing at Hiashi cautiously, almost amusedly, "Well."

The Hyuuga suddenly lashed out, grabbing the teen and throwing him at Ibiki, who deftly caught the poor genin. "Never talk to my fiancée in such a way, you hormonal cretin." Sniffing disdainfully, the byakugan user strode off toward his precious compound, his fiancée following him, looking worriedly over her shoulder.

"Hey, Ibiki, what was that about? Does he not like us or somethin'? Because that was a mean and nasty thing to do." Izumo glanced up as his teacher.

Ibiki grunted in reply, an affirmative grunt, not a denying one. How the team could tell one from the other those not on the team had no idea. They all sounded alike. "I'm the only who can play with his head, and he holds that against me." Ibiki gave a toothy grin that made Izumo inch away discreetly. "He normally would never react that way toward hedgehog-head here, but my presence always brings his temper closer to the surface. That, and he's just naturally like that."

Kotetsu nodded and sat down. How dare that Hyuuga disrespect him and his sensei? And the beautiful woman, how dare Hiashi-san get in the way of true love? Iruka would definitely help him in his revenge, if he ever made it out of the office that was.

He could hear things being thrown, either by, or most likely at, his friend. But first he would have to think of something to do. Hmm…

XxxxxX

"Oh beautiful, gorgeous, princess of my heart." Kotetsu was lost in his own world again, while Iruka was left scoffing at his friend's foolishness and making sure didn't get caught by the Hyuugas. Ko was lucky that Iruka was even _with_ him. The Fourth sure had given him a talking to, and even ended up throwing paperweights at him. Really, could the Hokage get any more undignified? And he hadn't been lying either, there _had_ been zombies, damn it! It wasn't his fault that they had mysteriously disappeared as soon as he left; why didn't anyone believe him? When had he ever lied…about something so important, that is.

Shaking his friend out of his dreamy haze, Iruka motioned in hand signs that hey had to start dismantling the anti-trespassers-jutsu connected to the wall. Ko nodded and got to work, studying the chakra patterns engraved in the stone. They had spray paint and stencils, so all they had to do was get in and make some art.

XxxxxX

Hiashi stepped out of his room at 6:00 the next morning, and just stood there in shocked silence, gazing at the mix of purple, orange and green that covered the courtyard wall in front of him.

At first, the nature of the project remained elusive, but soon he realized that what he was looking at was, in fact, a picture of himself, having a stick shoved up his rear end.

The images and lettering seemed to go on forever on each side of the wall.

The rest of the Hyuugas and most of the surrounding populace woke up to his deafening bellow of disapproval and anger.

His fiancée rushed out of the room next to his and stopped short, taking a moment to allow it -the sight to sink in. She giggled hysterically. Although not quite appropriate, the artwork really was spectacular; it looked exactly like the flushing Hyuuga beside her, only the skin was a very bright green.

On the other side of the village, Iruka sulked. They'd stayed up all night spray painting the walls that surrounded the compound, and by the time they'd gotten to their target's room, they'd run out of flesh-colored paint. The green had been a good insult, but it didn't go very well with the purple eyes. He shrugged; one could only do his very best and nothing more.

XxxxxX

Kakashi groaned. It was his day off, and he had planned to sleep in, but now he was being awakened by the stream of profanities and unintelligible screams issuing forth from the Hyuuga compound across the street. Which, though rare indeed, didn't impress the poor boy. All he wanted was to claim the first hours of sleep he'd managed to snag within the last _week_.

"Curse you all who enter here," he croaked from beneath his blankets. Damn, and now he was getting a cold, too.

**0000**

**Dang, that took me a loooooong time TTTT oh wells. I hopes its okayz.**


	9. Mushrooms and Uchihas

DON'T OWN. Hell I don't' even own the rule this plot is for.

11. Flirting with Uchihas will not get them to remove the handcuffs.

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Itachi wasn't quite sure exactly what had happened. It had all happened so fast that even with his chunin trained eyes, he really couldn't make any sense of it at all. That and it was so bizarre he wasn't sure _what_ think of it.

He knew that it was vandalism, but never had he encountered such an unusual situation as this one presented. Not in all of his 238 missions.

**00000000**

Izumo sneered and sneered hard. How dare that slobbering fool even think that pushing him to the ground and throwing _his_ dish and fork at _him! _ The mighty CUTE BUNNY does not tolerate disrespect from anyone!

Now the dish he could handle, _maybe,_ but the FORK? That was certainly uncalled for. He wasn't even the one that had messed up the man's order of no mushrooms. That was the cook's fault, because he had written down that specific instruction on his note-pad.

He was the best _waiter_ in this restaurant, not cook, and he didn't get paid minimum, wage just to have a FORK thrown at him. No-sir-ee he was to be respected and feared for his awesome ninja-waiter skillz! He was l337 damn it!

Glaring hotly at the ping-pong paddle retreating down the street, Izumo clenched his fists. Revenge would be his. It was only a matter of time.

Time and extensive planning.

**0000000000**

Now Izumo wasn't someone that regularly shouted random profanities in the middle of the street,-seeing as he was the _responsible _one, so when Iruka encountered this highly irregular sight, he decided that helping his friend was a better way of spending his time then making exploding tags on top of the newly established tea-house. Fer sure.

Of course the most he got out of the enraged teen was "Uchiha…AGH!...fork, and and and and…REVENGE!"

An exclamation that managed to echo its way around the corner and into the ear of an infant Sasuke who was drooling on his mother's shoulder and staring at the bright red tomatoes being bought for tonight's supper. He burbled quietly blowing some spit bubbles and finished with a happy gurggle of "we-vend!" As his mother was haggling with the proprietor, no one ever knew that the youngest Uchiha's first word was "revenge," _not_ "brother."

But, the two teens conspiring around the corner didn't know what destiny they had set in motion, nor the consequences of that not so innocent rage. It took about ten minutes max for them to draw out a rough idea of retribution for their target. There was to be a reckoning tonight.

The "rough idea" brought Itachi to his current state of bewilderment, and lack of loquaciousness. What in the world, were two genin doing to his lawn? Maybe he was just over worked? His brain going into overdrive and causing him to hallucinate? Not likely he decided, dropping down in front of the two startled teens and cuffing them. A task that was really much too easy even if they were genin. Why were they looking at him like that? And more importantly, _what were they doing to my lawn?_

Iruka had applauded his genius mind when he'd thought up this particular scheme. It was simple and eloquent, and when their target saw it, they'd know it was for them, while everyone else would wonder _what the hell_ _is going on?_.

So maybe the market was fresh out of mushrooms…and, perhaps some restaurants were a little short of forks, but so what? This was to alleviate his affliction of boredom, and everyone appreciated when tea shops _didn't_ blow up. Right? OH, and this was also for Izumo. No one treated Izumo like that and got away with it. Unless it was someone on their team. And even then…horrible things happened. But, as an angel dropped from the sky in front of him, Iruka's reasons seemed inconsequential, as he became enraptured by blazing red eyes and long flowing black hair.

From the look of it, Izumo was also enthralled, and who could _help_ _themselves_ from drooling over this…this…this visage of…of…_hotness_! For lack of any better word. The mushrooms had been planted, and most of the forks were already gleaming in the moonlight, stuck upright, tongs arching up into…anyone who wasn't watching their step. They were done anyway, why not follow this elegant vision wherever he lead?

Sighing, the genin followed Itachi with minimal strife, gazing at his back dreamily. The glazed look in their eyes was starting to alarm Itachi, who was, for all purposes, just as paranoid as Kakashi, and he was concerned that they had been taken over by an enemy jutsu, though the purpose of vandalizing the Uchiha property, Itachi couldn't fathom, but he had a lot to learn anyway. Concern mounting with every second of silence, the estranged Uchiha almost jumped as Izumo spoke, "Are you and angel come from heaven, sent to lead me to the pearly gates of paradise?"

Itachi had been called many things in his life, but angel was not one of them. Devil? Sure. Brat? Why not. Murderer? Of course. The list went on, but weird continued its stroll into bizarre, as the other latched onto his arm, staring up at him, "Please marry me and let me have your babies!" He shifted uneasily at the invasion of space, and grew visibly alarmed as his other arm was rendered useless. Despite the lack of bloodlust and malicious intent, Itachi could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat. What was wrong with these two? "I'll love you forever if you just become mine…or you could keep me, it doesn't matter either way." Tensing, Itachi racked his brain for the correct social reaction for this type of human interaction, but came up dry.

Luckily for him, Hatake caught a glimpse of him, and afraid that a fellow shinobi was being swarmed by enemies, rescued the poor confused Uchiha from his embarrassing predicament. "No! Don't take us away from the presence of our ANGEL! We won't survive the separation!"

Later that night, Kakashi started his report with "I found them in the middle of the street, flirting on Itachi Uchiha, who had them in handcuffs…" That was really all his superior needed to hear to figure their little plot out.

Inside their cell, the two team mates lamented over the loss of their red eyed, black haired angel.

**00000000000000**

**Yeah…Itachi's hot…or so I've been told. =_= im not really a fan of his, but i thought he deserved a little love XD**

**-newmoongirl**


	10. Youth set Ablaze

12. Izumo, don't set Maito Gai on fire so you "can see his flames of youth more clearly." Even if he seems to think this is a good idea. _Especially_ if he thinks this a good idea.

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There were very few people that Izumo hated in the world, but he was a major grudge holder, which meant that if you did get on his bad side, you were basically condemned to a life torment. The only exceptions were his two best friends, who often got on his bad side, but just bought their way back in new scrolls.

Maito Gai just happened to be the one person that Izumo hated the most. His loud, boisterous attitude just grated on the poor boy's nerves. That and the fact the green-spandex-wearer had destroyed his apartment on more than one occasion. Living next door to the soon-to-become-taijutsu-master really put a strain on Izumo's carefully planned budget (1).

Iruka almost felt sorry for the older boy, except he too had been subjected to Gai's antics. Thus he felt no pity whenever Izumo discreetly placed gum near, around or on the other teen.

Izumo nearly blew up when Gai demolished his bedroom; he'd slept in the living room for months while the workers rebuilt it. His rage, however, had been fairly well contained, and placed in a growing box in his mind. He repeated the process many times, even when the green-clad boy had mashed his kitchen in on itself, condemning him to a month of take-out and bottled water.

But this, this was the last straw, the stick that broke the camels back.

Gai was _not_ supposed to turn up with Ibiki so he could teach them some taijutsu. This was a tesspass on the contract that Zumo had made up in his mind. He'd put up with the green-man at home, but _not_ while their sensei went off with the fourth Hokage.

It was utterly unacceptable. Especially today, because he had already listened to the teen all night, chanting guidance prayers and spontaneously deciding to practice his terribly loud and long speeches.

Forty minutes of sleep was not enough for Izumo. Maybe for Kotetsu or Iruka, who were already insane enough as it was. But Izumo, usually the calm, collected one, did not function properly without his sleep. His mental capacity went down about fifty percent, and his tolerance decreased to nothing.

He glared hotly at his nemesis. Not that Gai even thought of him as a potential rival, but just the fact that Izumo hated Gai as much as cats hate water put the green beast in terrible danger during that particular period of time.

Izumo knew that he was no match for his neighbor; he'd seen him train, and the man was faster and more experienced then he was on a huge level. So beating him to a pulp with his own two hands wouldn't work. He mumbled to himself.

Kotetsu glanced at his friends utterly fascinated at how Zumo-chan had reacted to the loud green _thing_.

Surly there was no other word for it. It was loud, green, and _annoying_. Thus it would be called, Kotogara-san(2).

Kotogara-san was currently being prompted on his mission. "Gai-san," Ibiki growled, "I want you to keep this trio in line. They're more trouble then they're worth, but surely someone as energetic as you can handle three genin brats?" He almost smirked at his cleverness. There was no way that Gai would be able to turn this mission down now. He'd had a hard time finding anyone who would babysit his team after Yemon ended up having a breakdown. He really should have held off on teaching them physiological warfare, but it was just so amusing sometimes. "Oh," he added, looking backwards at the green-clad chunin, "Teach them something, too. Just 'cause I'm not here doesn't mean then can slack off." He glared at all of them in turn, lingering on Iruka, who was actually more concerned about Izumo surviving the day then making mischief for their substitute sensei.

As soon as Ibiki vanished in a cloud of smoke, Kotetsu attacked, "Kotogara-san! What's it like being a chunin? Do you get to kill people? Do you train like crazy? Are you aspiring to be a teacher? Do you want to advance to jounin or stay as a chunin? Was it hard learning all your taijutsu? How much time did it take? Are you gay? 'cause that outfit is serious repellent for girls." Hedgehog-head waited in anticipation for answers. Anyone that dressed like that _must_ be interesting. (3)

Gai looked taken aback for a moment before recovering quickly. _Such enthusiasm_! "YOU ARE IN THE SPRING TIME OF YOUR YOUTH, SUCH PASSION IS ADMIRABLE FOR ONE SO YOUNG, YOU HAVE MY ADMIRATION, YOUNG GRASSHOPPER!"

Izumo felt his eye twitch. Gai wasn't that much older than any of them, maybe only by a couple years, but it was not the span of time that would qualify them as "young grasshoppers."

"MAY YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN AS BRIGHT AS MINE DO!" He moved into good-guy pose number twenty-four. "COME NOW, COMRADES OF SPRINGTIME! MAY WE SHINE BRIGHTLY TOGETHER!"

Izumo's mental capacity took longer than usual to process the words, but once it had, he grinned evilly.

"Kotogara-sensei," he approached, his smile more alarming then it had been a while ago. "I'm afraid that I am blind to your wonderful fires of youth. Might you find a way that I can see them too?"

Gai looked rather put out. How could anyone not see his magnificent flames of youth? Had they dimmed? The thought chilled him.

Izumo inched closer "Perhaps if we set you on fire I would be able to see them? I'm sure that since they are always with you it will be fine. Oh youthful sensei."

Gai considered this. It made sense to him, and he owed it to all young boys to allow them to experience his youthful flames at least once. "OF COURSE, MY SHINOBI BROTHER! LET US SET OUT TO FIND SOME INTRUEMNTS WITH WHICH TO CREATE THE SPARK OF MY YOUTHFULNESS!"

Iruka shrugged; he wasn't about to stop it, so why not watch to see what went on? It was better then watching Izumo explode in some horribly violent way. "Don't bother; I've got a lighter with me."

The three turned to look at him; "Why do you have a lighter?" Gai asked uncertainly.

Iruka blinked, "Umm…always be prepared?" he answered "'cause I'm defiantly not a pyro or anything."

Gai blinked away the tears, "SUCH A RESPONSIBLE YOUNG NINJA! I AM PROUD OF YOU!"

Iruka panicked, afraid that Gai would attack him with a hug, and threw the lighter to Izumo. "It's all yours, Zumo."

"YES! LIGHT ME, GOOD FRIEND!" Gai proclaimed, throwing his arms out like an airplane.

Izumo just smirked, "With pleasure Maito-san, with much pleasure."

XxxxxxX

Kakashi swore; here he was attempting to avoid Gai, and his self-proclaimed rival was getting in trouble! He had sworn as a ninja of the village that he would help any man that needed it, but maybe if he pretended that he hadn't heard Gai's screams of pain and agony…he sighed.

No way that was going to happen. Resigning himself to his fate, Kakashi set off toward his burning rival and the three genin that were watching in amusement.

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Izumo's parents have died…I don't really know if it's true, but this is the way it is here in my made-up world where the Fourth is still alive, k?

Kotogara means "thing" so he's literally calling Gai "thing"-san

Iruka and Izumo have met Gai, but Kotetsu hasn't. Just so you know.


	11. Big Bobs

**13. Team Nineteen is banned from associating with Mitarashi Anko.**

**Oh and I don't own the plot of the characters. For any of these chapters. **

**Also, if you get the Title of this chapter, fangz. dont' kill meee. =3  
**

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Everyone knew Anko. Team nineteen was no exception to this rule of the universe. Everybody in the world probably knew who Anki Mitarashi was. She was the ONLY genin to EVER pass Orochimaru's qualification exam. Even when the other two genin she had been paired with had failed, she, miraculously, had not.

So it came as a surprise that Team nineteen had yet to harass the young apprentice. Kakashi had been a victim, in almost every incident even if the pranks weren't aimed at him, the ANBU had seen casualties, the Hokage and the Hokage's stuff had been involved, various academy teachers, and jounin ones as well, but not once had the three dare-devils of Konoha laid a finger on the purple-haired genin.

There were various hypothesis on why this phenomenon was occurring, like that one of the three had a crush on the girl, or Anko had scared them into submission, or even that she had blackmail on THEM for a change. None of these were correct.

The three had yet to prank Anko out of great respect. And that was the truth of it. Anko was Iruka's equal in the way of the weird. Yes indeed, in the ways of all that was strange, crazy and unbelievable, Iruka, Lord of all that was insane, had a queen…or maybe a duchess, but this was the reasoning behind why, on a Wednesday night, four genin could be found huddling in a circle in the middle of Iruka's small apartment, snickering and making plans. Evil plans.

Evil plans that involved two soon to be pissed off jounin sensei, and a panicked populace.

You see, where the three genin didn't usually pull off any pranks that were chakra extensive, simply because they didn't have the reserves for it. Plots that used a lot of chakra got thrown out or revised, usually discarded, since chakra use was...usually irreplaceable. But with Anko helping, they had a surplus. Oh yes, Anko was the one with the POWER. She would be their battery. And she could come up with some wicked schemes of her own.

They'd been mulling over what should be done, none coming to a consensus over what to do when, "Ah hA! This! This is it!" Iruka snatched up the paper which held a rather complicated diagram. Plucking the plan from the excited genin's fingers, Anko felt a smirk stretch across her features. It was perfect. It would cause mass panic, and it was, as she looked it over, easy enough to set up.

Turning to her conspirators, she slammed the poor innocent sheet between the four of them. "We'll have to make the diagram over the village," she said grinning mischievously. "Meaning, we're going to need lots of rope. And make it black so that it looks like just another wire." Grabbing a pencil, she split it into four sections. "We'll each take a section. I have all the rope well need in the back, and I'm sure one of you has some if we run out." All three boys looked away guiltily before rushing to grab some rope and start on their end of the village.

It took, mostly all night for them to complete their section, but as the sun started to rise, the three met in the middle of their creation. "Good good," Anko's disturbing smile had yet to disapaite. "Let's get this party started!" she whooped, starting on the signs needed to flow her chakra and spread through the black rope. Finishing up, Anko breathed out , and looked at her fellow pranksters. "Looks like it works."

"Of course it works!" Iruka sounded offended, his voice a little higher in pitch, "I created it!"

"Now now dear," her voice was husky, "you know what I mean." The glint was back in her eyes. "I can't wait to show up for training today."

The ANBU who had seen the exchange were too preoccupied to chase after the little ankle biters. After getting over the shock, they all regretted it.

For Kakashi, waking up that morning was normal. It was when he stood up that he noticed some thing wrong. Something…very wrong. Something that he knew hadn't been there the night before hung there on his chest, heavy and…soft? He panicked, jumping up, only to have the jiggle painfully. What had- wait, what?

He didn't know what to do. He could have sworn he was a man the day before. Reaching between his legs he found nothing…_nothing._ His manly pride was stripped from him…struggling into his ANBI uniform, which was now snug in certain places he'd rather not think about, he threw on his cloak. Yondaime might know what had happened.

When Kakashi appeared on his window sill, the fourth wasn't surprised. Really, she wasn't. she'd been expecting it. And she expected many more shinobi to make the same trip today. Before he…she could say anything, the blond raised a hand. "Team nineteen plus Anko" it basically explained everying by itself. "They said it won't wear off for another 40 hours. Everyone in the village is like this."

The silver head nodded accepting the explanation before , shifting nervously. Yondaime's breasts where somewhat small…pushing his cloak aside, he heard his Hokage gasp. "Damn it Kakashi, those are the biggest breasts I've ever seen!" the younger man growled.

"I know."

Pausing Yondaime considered. "I'll ask one of the…men for a bra for you. Kami knows you need one." Kakashi considered comrade killing for the first time in his life, and prayed that he wouldn't run into Gai today.

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I hope that was up to everyone's expectations.

-new_moongirl


	12. Panties or not

**14. Whoever stole all of Hatake Kakashi's underwear to sell on the black market, give it back to him. He's paranoid enough without his belongings going missing.**

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Kakashi opened his drawer, peering inside before closing it again and rubbing his temples. Maybe if he refused to believe what he saw, or _didn't_ see, it would go back to normal. Breathing deeply, Kakashi opened the top dresser drawer.

His underwear had still disappeared.

Turing away from the empty drawer, Kakashi idly wondered what he would wear underneath his pants until he hunted down the poor soul who had seen fit to take his underwear away from him. He'd liked the one with the green shuriken on them, and the ones with the little blue dolphins.

He glared at the dirty ANBU uniform in the corner. If he hadn't gone on that mission, his precious underwear would still be here with him. Getting out a clean pair of pants, Kakashi slipped them on. He would have to reset all of his traps, because obviously, whoever had stolen his boxers wanted them in order to track him down and kill him. What other use was there for used underwear?

Replacing his hitate, Kakashi set to work, even setting traps along the walls and floor that would immobilize any chakra signature other then his. Jumping out of his window, Kakashi headed to Yondaime, the fourth had a right to know there was an enemy inside Konoha.

Yondaime coughed nervously before smiling uncertainly in Kakashi's direction. The poor boy had a completely serious expression on his face; the poor adolescent was too paranoid for his own good, really. Yondaime decided then and there that Kakashi would join a genin team and learn some people skills. Maybe he had some books purely on human interaction he could give the ANBU?

"Hatake, I'm positive that an enemy ninja did not steal you underwear. It was probably just an admirer...or a girl that likes you very much." Stalkers were scary though. They might as well have been enemies…

Kakashi's face went blank; surly no one liked him like _that_. The very thought was ludicrous. Why would anyone be attracted to _him_? He could feel his lips twitching upward in semblance of a smile, and a slight, foreign warmth curl in his stomach. He wasn't getting sick again was he? "Tell you what," Yondaime continued, "I'll ask around to see if anyone's taken your under things. Will that be acceptable?"

Kakashi nodded curtly, of course that was fine, but he'd still keep and eye out for enemy ninja after him. One could never be too careful.

Xxxxxxx

Surprisingly, it was not Ibiki that had lead to the trio's discovery of the black market. It had, in all reality, been Yondaime himself. They wouldn't tell anyone exactly how that happened, because, after all, he _was_ the Hokage, and they would most certainly not betray their leader's secrets; a shinobi need those as much as he needed his hidden kunai.

But, found it they had, and they'd taken a great interest in the world where anything and everything could be bought or sold. And then, like lightening from the heavens, a voice had come floating to them on the breeze. A strangely familiar voice that they just couldn't quite place, asking if there was anyone that sold used underwear.

It had gotten the team thinking. They didn't want to sell their own underwear. They needed them. But they'd also heard from the same strangely familiar voice, that famous people's underwear sold for more. These two sentences lead all three of them to the same conclusion. Hatake Kakashi's underwear would definitely be purchased if they set up shop right? He _was_ young, and famous.

Stealing the protégé's boxers was easier than anticipated. For one, he wasn't in his apartment. And for another, Ibiki's home traps were harder to bypass. They extracted the boxers and left immediately to ensure their good health and fortune.

They sold like hotcakes, and the quickly earned money that helped pay for the rest of the tea shop debt.


	13. Dragons and Dooms Day

**I don't own naruto.**

**15. If any of you find summoning scrolls only mentioned in ancient legends, involving some sort of "savior", the "protection of mankind" and "big, out-of-control flying lizards that breathe fire and destroy any buildings within a five mile radius of where they were summoned," don't sign them. Even if the creepy old man you bought it off tells you it's a good idea.**

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He hadn't meant for it to happen, it just had. I mean really, he had been trying to be a good kid! The one time he was not trying to create chaos, he does it anyway, on a much larger scale then he ever intended.

And it would have been amusing, if it _had_ been on purpose, and Ibiki wasn't going to fry him alive and then cut him into strips to feed to the demon dogs on training ground 86.

But as he watched the rather large ferocious dragon fly away from his current location, Iruka realized that since he had let this terror loose, he was the one that was going to have to set things back to normal, hopefully before the lizard set anything important on fire. Like the Hokage tower, or that newly rebuilt tea house, any thing in Konoha, because it would take a lot of money to rebuild all of Konoha, and the team had just finished paying for the tea house out of their small salary and Kakashi's underwear; a commodity that as strangely popular amount fangirls and oldmen alike.

But Ibiki had told him to respect his elders, time and time again (usually referring to himself), so when the old crippled man had handed him the scroll and told him to buy and sign the document, Iruka had, because he thought that Ibiki would approve of his respect and obedience. Now, he wasn't going to listen to anyone 'casue, look how that had went. He had followed his jounin sensei's advice, and now an enormous scaly fire-breathing reptile was out with the intent to bring Doom's day to earth…_early_. It wasn't even 2012 yet! Didn't the universe have sense of time so that that didn't get royally screwed up?

Luck was on his side… besides the whole dragon thing that is, because the ugly thing had gone in the _opposite_ direction of Konoha instead of _toward_ it. Gathering his strength, Iruka sprinted back toward Konoha, idly reflecting that scouting was more boring then the weeding missions they always got. At least he had Kotetsu and Izumo around to watch make fools of themselves.

XxxxxxxX

When Iruka cautiously approached the Hokage's office, Kakashi wasn't sure whether it was his natural instincts or the fact that every time the genin got close he ended up in a bad situation, that made him what to scurry away with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

Of course being the totally awesome shinobi he was, none of this happened. He bravely stood his ground and tensed with dread. He watched with an empty fascination as the genin approached cautiously, fingering a scroll in his pocket, before lunging at the door and yanking it open. "Yondaime!"

The blond looked up to see a rather worried looking Iruka, "What?"

The boy hesitated again, "Well…it's kinda hard to say exactly, but…" Motioning for the child to continue, the Hokage pasted a smile on his face. "!" rushed out of Iruka's mouth hurriedly as he threw the scroll on the desk before him and ran away.

Yondaime sat there, quite astounded as Kakashi moaned.

The damn scroll had rebounded off the corner of the desk and into his forehead. Once again he'd been defeated by a twelve year old.

"Hey look, there's a story on this scroll!" the fourth exclaimed excitedly. "…IRUKAAAA!"

0000000000000

**Yeah….I'll just leave this here….and see? It's not dead. XD**

**-newmoongirl**


End file.
